Who’s Afraid of Going Into the Post Pandemic?

Ever so slowly, the people in my life are getting vaccinated. The state of California has set a reopening date of June 15, after which we’ll be able to eat indoors, frolic, and do all of the other things we’ve missed while inside.

Of what I’ve missed from my pre-pandemic, friendship tops the list. Ironically, I’m finding within myself growing twinges of fear at the premise of socializing. One year ago, socializing threatened illness, or death. Approximately 12–14 months after the passage of the CARES Act, the federal government’s first substantive acknowledgement that something was amiss, our friends are no longer our foes, rather our fears that our friends are foes are what will keep us inside.

It’s a kind of optical illusion, to see what could save or heal us (friendship) through rain and sleet-colored lenses. That the sweetest of loves and earthiest of connection have been soured by pandemic illness, a government that won’t care for us; the ills of systemic vastnesses compounded together at rapid force.

Which means that there are two questions on the mind: who am I after a year? And, who am I to others after a year? The last question presents a mirror image, who are others to me? This is all to say, where does one locate friendship in this time of rebuilding? Who am I rebuilding as, and what am I rebuilding toward?

“Whether you’ve long struggled with social worries or find yourself feeling unusually awkward around people during the pandemic,” wrote…